Dear Mr Wallace
I would first and foremost like to start by stating that you are a cock for producing some of the most brain melting victory point driven board games I have ever played. When you were designing games did you set out to make the end scoring as difficult to understand as possible so noobs always get fucked in the ass and feel like their brains are bleeding? Yes?
Last night however I played Last Train to Wensleydale, your game about cheese and stone, another one of your excellent integrated themes might I add. Fortunately I have learnt from getting pissed on in tinners trail (again congratulations on the theme) and quashed in Liberte - the secret of your auction mechanics and influence paths. The secret is not to go with what you think is best or to devise a complicated long term plan but to go with what is more historically accurate. I being a cheese connoisseur and related to a stone mason am well aware of the importance of cheese to Skipton and the south and given the NERs significance in pre-war transportation heading up the west side of the board was a no brainer. Armed with these historical facts I, for the first time, won your game by a comfortable margin.
I am already researching Lancashires historical cotton industry and iron works for my upcoming victory in brass.
If you make your wife playtest all your games she must fucking hate you so Id sleep with one eye open
I am also currently writing a similar letter to another cock, probably a bigger cock than you, Stefan Feld. Do you have his address?