primordialgroup

Boardgaming in Glasgow

The Return of The Scary Dinosaurs

For those of you that weren't present the first time around, I feel it would be worthwhile pointing out that the last time Scary Dinosaurs made an appearance at games, we witnessed the birth of the biggest Vendetta the primordial group has ever encountered.
The whole sorry event was covered in a guild story all of 7 months ago ...

"I feel it would be unfair to not inform all gamers of the potential for hazardous fall out hitting them in the coming weeks. This fall out a direct result of Andy's decision to "Rape" Gregor in Sunday's Game of Thrones is expected to last 12 months.Gregor (I could have brought a book) Moir was heard to say, "I'm going to make it my life's work to make you suffer" Andy (You should have saved some power) Hynes retorted with "What did you expect? You ate all of the scary dinosaurs!" Elsewhere in a strategically brilliant maneuver Michael convinced all opponents that Ian was the clear leader and whilst everyone turned their attentions to the Black Forces in the north, nipped around the north east coast, on three boats, a minibus and tram before strolling into Nick's wide open rear entrance and claiming the unprotected prize therein. "Victory is Mine" he cried, responses ranged from "B*stard" and "I Told You I wasn't The Clear Leader" to "Year Long Vendetta" and "Scary Dinosaurs"

You have been warned!"

It was clearly a brave or very silly move on the part of Mr Grier to darken our door with the ill fated sweeties, going one stage further he opted to bring "The Natural Food Company" Scary Dinoaurs, this prompted the usual sweet critique to commence.

David "these are good"

Ian "hmm .. they have a funny flavour"

David "Really?"

Ian "yeah I guess its the taste of non synthetic food stuffs"

Nick "Do you guys have new sweets?"

Ian - whisper - "Say Nothing! Stuart's Up there!"

They were certainly a lovely addition to the night and far better than the the "sweets that tasted like shoes" from a few weeks ago.

Elsewhere in the side event of games. I produced a stunning and thoroughly unexpected Caylus performance, humping Grier and Schehele By a resounding 30 points. Upstairs Michael was giving a beating to Nick and Stuart at Key Harvest, after which we popped David's Samurai Cherry and finished off with the most enjoyable game of Zooloretto I have ever had.

It was made all the more enjoyable in the last few rounds as Nick and I traded sneaky moves in a bid to avoid being dumped with a crate full of unwanted Zebra's.

I was first to avoid the crate, realising that adding a new animal to an empty crate would provide Nick with a way out, I chose to blag all of my cash buying a useless animal from Julia, Nick accused me of being a Cock Knocker, only to realise that he could spend his last gold coin swapping his animals around, he moved 5 panda's into his full Zebra enclosure and moved the Zebra's over to his Panda enclosure - mocking me with every move, knowing full well that I would have to grab the crate of death.

I did so and in the process gained minus 6 points, on top of the minus 2 I had gained buying the crud from Julia and lost all my cash in the process, not quite in the Hynes bracket but damned stupid all the same.

Screams Means Hynes

Andy was in spectacular form last night, after an absolute nightmare at Princes of Florence, Andy "I've totally f*cked this up" Hynes produced singly the worst strategic decision any of us have yet to encounter in the realms of board games. The game was Edel. Stein & Reich and Andy had the largest brain fart in history. For those of you who haven;t played this beautiful little game, it involves trading gems for money. Each round each player will have the opportunity of acquiring cash, gems or certificates, each player will be provided with a different potential haul of gems or cash and each must decide which of the prizes to grab, if you are the only player to grab a specific prize you win it outright, if you are one of two players to grab the same prize you are required to barter for its reward and if you are unlucky enough to be one of three or more players seeking a similar reward, you all walk away with NOTHING!
As we entered the final rounds, Andy was lagging and had been dealt a potential gem haul of 2 x Red. Red's are the most valuable gems and highly attractive to all, alas Andy's haul was worthless as there were absolutely no red gems in the supply. There is no way Andy will go for Gems, thought I as I placed my hidden bid down to claim my own gem haul of 3 blue and 1 green. We revealed all, Nick and Julia fought for certs, John grabbed the cash and Andy ......... bid for gems - he bid for the right to get absolutely nothing, feck all, zero, ziltch, nada .... that's not all ..... there's more!

With Andy lagging behind me on the Red Gem race, he was forced to make me an offer from his own gem supply, that would enable him to claim his ZERO red gems ..... Andy thought long and hard about this .... I commented that he really only had to offer me a tiny bribe and I would undoubtedly refuse it, allowing him the opportunity to accept my enforced higher bribe, this was too simple for Andy, he looked at my stack and realised that what he really wanted was three yellow gems, the cogs began turning ..... "what would I have to offer Ian, that would create an increased bid of 3 yellows" ..... "hmmmm I wonder" ... Andy poker stared me, his eyebrow twitched, he reached into his gem supply and tabled a bribe of ......... 2 RED GEMS. Yes folks ... Mr Strategy offered me 2 of the most valuable Gems on the table from his own collection for the right to obtain 0 RED GEMS from the supply.... I quickly accepted and the table quickly collapsed into uncontrollable hysterics ..... The words Plum & Muppet and phrase "What the f*ck were you thinking" were banded around by all, Andy slunked back in his chair and watched as the game ended ....Ian 76, John 61, Nick 59 and Julia & Andy on 49.

Elsewhere - the highly enjoyable and quick For Sale produced the scoring Julia 52, Ian 49, Nick 47, John & Andy 46 and Callum 45.

Hat's off to Pitman for winning the main event PoF - Nick 60, Ian 56, David 47, Andy 44, Julia 42.

Whilst we Poffed, Stuart, John, Michael and Callum - played a game in which the loser scored 5 points and the winner 756 .... now that's some score spread!

I suppose I should also mention that Fairy Tale made an appearance, alarm bells began ringing when Michael suggested a game, I agreed but began to feel uneasy as the "rules" were explained ..... "I remember this" I proclaimed "It Sucks Balls!" ... I sat out from the turgid game of schoolyard fantasy switch and watched as Andy screamed to victorious 42 points compared to David & Julia on 28 and Nick on 26.

It just goes to show, If you show Andy deep strategy and bartering - he hasn't a clue, but ask him to collect pixies and there's noone comes close!